Bed rest musings

I'm now on day three of bed rest and already my mind whirls. I flit between waves of positive thinking that this is a small speed bump on my pregnancy journey to the reality that I could at any time be pushing a tiny, fragile life into the world.

My family, friends, and coworkers have all been so supportive and kind with their words and actions. Offers of dinners and company have come flooding in and often leave me weepy with the feeling of love I'm surrounded by.

Adam has accepted his new role of "everything man" quite well. While we have some grumbling, he's done an absolutely fabulous job of picking up Hayden's reigns while keeping the house from looking like a disaster zone. He even managed to have a serious talk with Hayden to convince him that he needs to be gentle with mummy. It's like having a different son as he's been so snuggly and cautious around me. Though he's realized I can't chase him around- as evidenced by his manic monster moment the minute Adam left to run errands last night.

With so much time to think, I've been spending a lot of time quelling my fears of a premature birth by researching. While Google can be a dangerous tool with this kind of cautionary situation, just knowing and preparing myself for what may come has eased my worry. I stay away from the scary tales and heartbreaking stories and instead focus on the many miracles that have been born around this age and lived with little to no ill-affect.

One thing I've been struggling to get my head around is the possible change in my labour plans. My intervention- and drug-free birth plans will be tough to accommodate if this little one arrives before 34 weeks. There would be no delayed cord cutting, no holding and nursing my baby for an hour before tests and cleansing takes him away. I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that this baby will probably be whisked from the room after I get a brief glance and then kept in the neo-natal ward for weeks. There will be no relaxed nursing as his sucking reflex will not be strong enough. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to pump and tube feed my little angel. And then there's the reality that the baby will be kept in hospital while I am discharged. Going home without my precious babe would just kill me.

So, while I'm still focusing strongly on getting through this pre-term labour risk and delivering in September, I'm preparing myself for the worst. It's always been my mantra in life: Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. It's fared me well so far and my mind actually relaxes once I understand what I'm up against. (For me it's like horror movies - once I actually see the threat, it's no longer scary. Movies like the Blair Witch Project where you never see the evil, that's what messes with my mind as I can think up WAY scarier things than reality can produce.)

So keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming. I swear sometimes I can feel the wave of support when someone sends a vibe out there.