A change of heart

I’ve noticed in the past few weeks that my love for Hayden has changed.

When I found out that I was pregnant, I loved him for what he was: a symbol of our love, a tiny little person growing inside of me.

When he was born, I loved him because he completed me. He made me a mother. He was a miracle of perfection and stole my heart. I developed that feral mother need to protect him against all odds. He gave my life a whole new purpose and changed me in ways I’m still discovering.

But now, as he nears his year and a half mark, I find myself loving him not just for what he is (my perfect, wonderful son), but for who he is. His personality has come shining through in the past few months. He shows me his sense of humour by performing funny dance moves just to make me laugh. He shows me uncanny patience as I try to understand his new words. He shows me tender love by coming undone if he accidentally hurts me. He shows his wonder of the world by proudly bringing me rocks, worms or ladybugs. He shows incredible intelligence as he quietly figures out how everything works: from the TV remote to flowers in the yard. He shows his exuberance by bellowing out his favourite words and running to me with arms outstretched. He shows his gentle nature with his hugs and pats for Salem.

He is truly becoming a little person. Not just my son Hayden, but this independent little boy with a mind of his own. And I truly love it. I find myself getting up early on my days to sleep in just so that I can bask in his wonder of the world just a few minutes longer. I don’t want to miss a moment of these magical toddler years where he begins to discover who he is.

Before I had children, I couldn’t imagine how parents could love their children any more than during the completely dependant newborn phase. The sheer innocence of a mind not yet tarnished and the tiny pinkness of those miniature features. But now I know better. I know the satisfaction of raising a child who has the strength and support to become his own person. I know the joy of watching them learn and the pride as they discover a new skill.

I know now that my little heartsong has taken my tune and is now adding his own lyrics, making his own masterpiece…I can’t wait to hear the final score.