Friday, January 23, 2009
Adam: How was your day?
Me: Crappy. I feel like I've been scrambling all day. I had to
Adam: Wait a second. Instead of telling me what went wrong, tell me three good things about today.
Me: (thinking) Well...Stacey told me that she really missed talking and joking with me when I'm this busy, the recognition team surprised me with a pizza lunch and I found out one of the girls on my TTC board just got a positive pregnancy test after months and months of trying!
Adam: See! I came in and you looked like a bus had hit you. Now - you're smiling.
Man....I love my brilliant husband.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
This year, for the first time in nearly a decade, I have set a resolution. I resolve to live a healthier lifestyle. I’m going to try to eat better, exercise more, and drink less. It’s not that I’m super unhealthy at present, I just feel that I’ve become lazy. At least once a week, we’ve been getting takeout or eating a meal from a box because I didn’t plan ahead. Plus, I sometimes go a whole weekend without stepping foot outside! And this is from a girl who spent her 19th birthday snowshoeing, dog sledding and sleeping outside in a quinze (like an igloo) in the far north of Tamagame. I’ve somehow lost the adventurous side of myself and I want it back!
I know that with Hayden being young, our lifestyle is his lifestyle. If we eat crap, so does he. If we hunker down and watch movies all day, he’s stuck indoors too. It’s this realization that really pushes me and leads me to believe that I’ll actually be successful in my 2009 resolution.
Now is the perfect time to instil a love of adventure in him. I remember from a very young age, my parents would pack us all in the car with the dog and we’d hike the Bruce Trail every Sunday. I think it was these excursions that sparked my love of nature and continued my hiking development well into my 20s. I want Hayden to have this experience too.
And so, by blogging this I’ve made a public declaration. I’ve committed myself to following through. If I fail, I urge you all to boo and hiss at me!
Here’s to 2009 being the healthiest year in over a decade!
Monday, January 5, 2009
That, my friends, has not been the case. We’re now in January and I still have no news to share. And this is not from a lack of effort – let me tell you. Adam has not felt this loved and desired since we were honeymooners!
I’m not one to clinically track my cycle through temperatures, cervical mucous or ovulation prediction tests. I think they somehow detract from the magic of creating a life and certainly don’t add anything to the romance of the moment! “Oh honey, I’ve got egg-white cervical mucous, let’s dance!” These kinds of measures (however useful and needed for many with fertility issues) are not for me. I like to keep things natural and fun. Though lately I’ve been watching scenes from “She’s Having a Baby” in my head (one of my all time favourite movies).
After four months of continually trying to conceive (TTC), I’m finally starting to understand how conception can drive people crazy. That first month of TTC, I joined a forum dedicated to granola mamas who were in the same breeding boat. I thought for sure that I’d be leaving them within a few weeks, moving up to the pregnancy boards. When I didn't get a positive test result that first month, I was really disappointed. I had assumed I’d just effortlessly move on to the next stage.
I have to admit that now I'm glad that it's taken a little time (feel free to show me this post if I'm still trying in a year). If we had been successful that first month, I would never have truly got to know that lovely group of ladies.
I've watched others come and go from the group and felt a pang of jealousy. I've thought "Hooray for them….but dang it, why not me?" I’m only now getting a taste of how that compounds as the weeks and months turn to years. It must be so hard to be happy for others when they have what you long for, what you ache for, what you think about day in and day out. I now understand the frustration it must bring to watch people constantly walk through that conception door and wonder "when will it be my turn?" I now feel a great deal of compassion and understanding for women who have trouble conceiving and carrying a child.
I’m a true believer that all things happen for a reason. I think I was meant to wait for this pregnancy for two reasons:
- The understanding and knowledge I’ve learned from the ladies on my TTC forum. I have never been so knowledgeable about how the human reproductive system works, nor how strong a woman can be mentally and emotionally in the face of adversity. These women have become my friends and teachers.
- I will be THAT much more appreciative of when I do get pregnant. Instead of expecting it to happen, I now hope and pray that I’m blessed with another child. I no longer take conceiving for granted and really understand that pregnancy and birth are miracles!
So stick with me dear readers. Who knows whether this will be a long journey or a relatively short TTC trip. I’ll try to keep you updated and I’ve been toying with the idea of blogging about pregnancy right from the start – so you regular readers will be second to know, only after my immediate family.
Wish me baby dust and sticky egg vibes!