That, my friends, has not been the case. We’re now in January and I still have no news to share. And this is not from a lack of effort – let me tell you. Adam has not felt this loved and desired since we were honeymooners!
I’m not one to clinically track my cycle through temperatures, cervical mucous or ovulation prediction tests. I think they somehow detract from the magic of creating a life and certainly don’t add anything to the romance of the moment! “Oh honey, I’ve got egg-white cervical mucous, let’s dance!” These kinds of measures (however useful and needed for many with fertility issues) are not for me. I like to keep things natural and fun. Though lately I’ve been watching scenes from “She’s Having a Baby” in my head (one of my all time favourite movies).
After four months of continually trying to conceive (TTC), I’m finally starting to understand how conception can drive people crazy. That first month of TTC, I joined a forum dedicated to granola mamas who were in the same breeding boat. I thought for sure that I’d be leaving them within a few weeks, moving up to the pregnancy boards. When I didn't get a positive test result that first month, I was really disappointed. I had assumed I’d just effortlessly move on to the next stage.
I have to admit that now I'm glad that it's taken a little time (feel free to show me this post if I'm still trying in a year). If we had been successful that first month, I would never have truly got to know that lovely group of ladies.
I've watched others come and go from the group and felt a pang of jealousy. I've thought "Hooray for them….but dang it, why not me?" I’m only now getting a taste of how that compounds as the weeks and months turn to years. It must be so hard to be happy for others when they have what you long for, what you ache for, what you think about day in and day out. I now understand the frustration it must bring to watch people constantly walk through that conception door and wonder "when will it be my turn?" I now feel a great deal of compassion and understanding for women who have trouble conceiving and carrying a child.
I’m a true believer that all things happen for a reason. I think I was meant to wait for this pregnancy for two reasons:
- The understanding and knowledge I’ve learned from the ladies on my TTC forum. I have never been so knowledgeable about how the human reproductive system works, nor how strong a woman can be mentally and emotionally in the face of adversity. These women have become my friends and teachers.
- I will be THAT much more appreciative of when I do get pregnant. Instead of expecting it to happen, I now hope and pray that I’m blessed with another child. I no longer take conceiving for granted and really understand that pregnancy and birth are miracles!
So stick with me dear readers. Who knows whether this will be a long journey or a relatively short TTC trip. I’ll try to keep you updated and I’ve been toying with the idea of blogging about pregnancy right from the start – so you regular readers will be second to know, only after my immediate family.
Wish me baby dust and sticky egg vibes!