Beware - hormonal manatee ahead

Today is my due date and I think I have officially come off my rocker. The rational side of my brain understands that a due date is an educated guess that shouldn't really matter. But the pregnant, hormonal side says that it's now been 40 weeks, my timer has dinged so where is my baby?!

I find myself retreating into solitude these days. Every time I venture out, even just to get vitamins, I either get a slack-jawed stare (directed straight at my balloon belly) or I get the lame dog sympathy look. Both now drive me crazy. And that's without the constant comments about how I should enjoy these final days and how sensual a pregnant woman is. I've ceased to become a customer, a neighbour, another person on the street. Now I'm "a pregnant woman." My belly defines who I am, how people interact with me, the conversations I have...and quite frankly, I'm tired of it.

And so, a warning for all of you who will potentially talk to me, call me, email me, or FaceBook me in the next two weeks: please do not talk about the baby or my pregnancy. Whatever you do, don't ask me if I've had the baby yet. Trust me, when I do, you'll know. And for heaven's sake, do NOT tell me to enjoy it, predict the baby will come a week from now, or tell me how big I am. Talk to me about politics, the news, celebrity gossip, or pretty much anything except reminding me that I'm still pregnant.

Thanks.

Up yours fates!

It seems that the fates have decided that my pregnancy with Hayden was too perfect. Too easy. I conceived him effortlessly and had a dream pregnancy, delivering him at 37 weeks. Before I ever had a thought of wishing it were over. I was one of those women who loved being pregnant - every moment of it!

With this pregnancy, apparently I'm running a different kind of race. I had partial placenta previa (now resolved), pre-term labour at 28 weeks (with my cervix dilating and effacing), nearly 8 weeks on bed rest, and now, I'm closing in on my actual due date (two days away) and my cervix has actually reversed in progress (something my midwife had never seen)! I think it would only be fitting for me to now go overdue and have to be induced, leaving my dream of an unmedicated birth behind me and completing my obstacle course of a pregnancy.

Ah the fates. They sure do know how to test us....Well up yours fates. I'm still standing.

9 days to D Day!

Wow, September 16. Never thought I'd see a September birth date, let alone one in the late half of the month! Apparently I was so good at bed rest that I've managed to convince this belly bean to stay put for the long haul! I'm now almost 39 weeks. I've never been this pregnant before. (Hayden was born at 37 weeks!) Things are going well: I'm feeling good, baby is growing (though still measuring small), and for the most part baby stays head down now.

I find myself really appreciating and craving my time with Hayden now. Knowing that soon a little life will be demanding and dictating our lives, I feel that my one-on-one time with Hayden is even more precious. He seems to sense that a change is coming too and has been an absolute delight lately (aside from our nightly dinner battle). He makes me laugh constantly and has been spending extra time wrapped in my arms.

My realization that I won't be able to spoil my boy with undivided attention has resulted in a weird side effect. Nearly every night I have a vivid dream where I lose Hayden, he gets really hurt or we're in a really dangerous situation. I guess my unconscious mind is struggling to comprehend how I'll keep an eye on my mini-kamikaze with an infant. I'm sure the first few weeks and months will be a struggle, but we'll figure it out.

Hopefully any day now I'll be posting to tell you all about my delivery and the new little life we welcomed into the world! Wish us luck on the final leg of this pregnancy journey! And think smooth and fast labour thoughts for me!

D Day

My mum has given her prediction that this baby will be born this weekend. Man...I hope she's right. She's also predicted that this baby will be a boy. We'll see on that one - all this labour drama makes me think this might just be a girl!

When do you think baby will come? Think it's a boy or a girl? Time to place your bets!

At my last midwife appointment they told me that baby should have settled into his/her birthing position by now. But, being a tricky baby, this one continues to flip from head down to sideways, even with just a few weeks until I'm due. The midwives did talk about performing an external version followed by breaking my waters, giving me pitocin and a host of other interventions. Exactly the type of thing I wanted to avoid and one of the main reasons I chose the midwives. Their main concern is that my waters will break when baby is sideways, allowing the cord to be pinched in the birth canal. I have my next appointment on Tuesday and I'm hoping to convince them that this unlikely (though very dangerous) situation does not seem to be reason enough for a very medical birth.

So until my appointment, I continue to practice weird contortionist moves in an effort to keep baby in optimal position. Adam did take a photo of said exercises...though I don't think I want to share. I'm drinking red raspberry leaf tea to strengthen my uterus and taking evening primrose oil to prepare my cervix. Yup, I've become a crazy hippie pregnant woman (according to Adam). I prefer to think of it as proactive pre-parenting - doing everything I can to make this labour and delivery smooth and quick!

And so - think labour thoughts for me this weekend! Hopefully mum is right and this rollercoaster ride is nearly over!

Bed rest learnings

It's been forever since I've posted. I chalk it up to two things.

1. My space bar on the lap top doesn't work (a wine accident last year) which makes typing anything beyond a paragraph absolutely infuriating. If I didn't go back and individually add spaces beside every word myblogwouldlookalotlikethis.
   
2. I've been funneling my creative efforts into something else. I started my own little WAHM (that's Work At Home Mum for you non-anagram savvy folks) business making sock stuffie animals. It's done wonders to keep me sane and it earns me a few dollars (and I do mean only a few).

I'm still officially on bed rest. According to the scratches on the wall, I'm now into week eight. I'm 35 weeks though, which is past the real danger zone so I've been slowly weaning myself of my horizontal life. Every little chore or outing leaves me exhausted and breathless but also filled with a weird sort of pride for getting something done (other than completing another successful womb day for the belly bean).

I've made some interesting observations while being a shut in.

1. I crave face-to-face human contact and go a little crazy if I go more than a few days only talking to Adam.
2. I can't watch TV. I mean, it's often on but I can't focus on it for any length of time during the day. So many wonderful people have given me movies and seasons to watch, but they sit unopened on the shelf.
3. If I let myself, I could nap for an hour or two every afternoon. The Mexicans know what they're talking about with siestas.
4. I miss Hayden like crazy all day but am often short-tempered with him only three hours after he gets home. I hate the "edge" that pregnancy hormones give me.
5. My husband is a damn fine cook.
6. My neighbourhood rocks. It reminds me a lot of how a neighbourhood would have looked 60 years ago. Back when you knew who lived next to you and watched out for them.
7. The National Do Not Call registry doesn't work worth a crap. I get at least three unsolicited telemarketer phone calls a day.
8. Pending labour signs cease to be interesting or even noted after you've been having them for over a week. I think the baby will have to actually fall out for me to believe it's the real thing.
9. I'm ready to have this baby. I know that two more weeks in utero is optimal, but my mind, my body, and my marriage would be better off if I didn't have to coddle my cervix any longer. There's only so much any of those factors can take and I think we're there.
10. Hayden is going to make an awesome big brother. Every day he sings to my belly, sometimes making up songs for the baby. Today as the baby kicked and rolled in reaction to his voice he told me "Baby's bigger now mummy. He's ready to come out." He still believes that my belly button is the baby's exit route.

And so, that's the deal. I've been in labour with this little one for over seven weeks. And don't think I won't use this fact to my advantage when he/she becomes a lippy teenager!

The horizonal pro-star

Today marks one full week of bed rest. Somehow, it seems to be getting easier instead of harder. I'm convinced that this is because for the past two days, I've had a few hours in the morning without contractions. Knowing that this horizontal position is actually helping makes being a lump feel more like an activity in baby-saving. I'm the only one who can protect and help the baby right now and I've accepted that the best way to do that is by doing nothing at all. Took a few days to get my head into this frame of mind, but now that I'm here, I'm feeling better about things.

Adam is doing a fabulous job of keeping the house from falling apart and making sure that Hayden has some active play time every night. He's managed to keep Hayden's schedule similar and thus Hayden doesn't seem overly put out by the other changes. Despite a few rocky moments, we've adjusted pretty well as a family.

I've been constantly surprised and touched by the people in our life who have stepped forward to help out. Whether by watching Hayden, cooking, calling in to check on me, or offering to take me to my multiple appointments, we have an army of awesome friends and family members standing beside us.

Every day I make a short log entry to document my contractions and sensations. With no real concept of time or days, it helps me to see patterns in improvement. I've also taken to checking my cervix once a day to make sure I'm not dilating further. I find that I can do it gently and non-invasively enough that I don't irritate anything. Instead, I give myself peace of mind when I've had a particularly crampy day that it's not necessarily doing anything.

Tomorrow is a big day of Rhogam shots and another ultrasound to check my cervix. If my cervix is still long and closed enough, I may just go on modified bed rest to see how my body handles more vertical time.

Cross your fingers!

Day four

Day four of bed rest looks an awful lot like day three. I watch the sun shining, my neighbours mingling and laughing, and my husband puttering, all from my couch perch. Getting boring for you loyal readers? I know it's looking pretty mundane from here.

Yesterday I woke up to some pretty strong contractions. After a hot bath, they weren't as painful, but they continued pretty frequently throughout the day. Today they seem to have subsided while I'm laying down. But I'm still confined to about five minutes of being upright before they start up again. And today there's a new sensation of downward pressure along with the cramps. This baby is sure keeping mama on her toes....or should I say her butt.